i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
