Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
