I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
