FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
