Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
