You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The beer is more important than you right now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
