the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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