now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
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i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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