Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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