Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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