Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm too high and old for this...
My feet surprised me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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