they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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