and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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