I think my fart just growled at me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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