so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
