So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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