Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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