He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
