At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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