Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
