I'm really into asian looking animals
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
