So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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