dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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