She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
