3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
