Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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