She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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