Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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