think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
