DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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