As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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