I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
