and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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