I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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