This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
