Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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