I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
