i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
