I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
