I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
These tits shall not be calmed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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