So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
