She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
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How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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