Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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