I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
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Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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