When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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