i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
