it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
