I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
