mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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