I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
