I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
