i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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