I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
