If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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