I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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