When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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