She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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