The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
