As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
