Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
