I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
