I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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