just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
