So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
