I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
