She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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