Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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