I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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