Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
