everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
