I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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