the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
