At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
