They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
