Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
