Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
