I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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