Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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