now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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