She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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